Monday, October 4, 2010

a need to go back?

God knows just how much I missed it and it's been too long since I decided to keep myself away from it. And now that the pieces are still missing in some places I can't seem to figure, I guess I just have to go back. Go back to a place where everything seems to be just fine. I have always been ignorant, out of my own conscience, and that nothing matters now. It never mattered before and will never matter anyway. Thus, I keep everything out of me. Everything at all.

And now that it's been more than a year since I allowed myself to take a dive and simply ignore everything, the depressing truth strikes me. That I missed this world of mine. I missed being drowned in words only I would understand. I missed being the old me that never really got upset, never really felt disappointed.

How I wish I were as bold as that one person in the way I deal with things around me. Just like how that one person comes and goes as it pleases, even so never feels guilty even a bit, I wish I could do the same. So that I won't have rooms for regrets and time to go on guilt trips.

I know this entry isn't going anywhere but I know I'm ready to start writing again. For this part in Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet In Heaven caught my attention and it gives me so much to ponder about:

NO STORY SITS by itself. Sometimes stories meet at corners and sometimes they cover one another completely, like stones beneath a river.

And so I guess what happened, is happening and will happen to me co-relates one another, in that I shouldn't take any bit of it for granted. Any bit at all. But it has never been easy to live up to my own words. It never was and never will be. Because me being me, I know I always end up blocking everything from entering that little beating thing in my chest and making me suffer. Though there are times when everything is a major betrayal.

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