nocturnes

had a long day yesterday. went out to meet 2 of my kids up and we had a blast together. had pizza, had a little talk about school and most of the time, it was about them, for i wish i could know my kids better. Even after i have officially left the school already. it felt nice seeing them again but i can't help wondering about the previous event, prior to me going to Sunway Pyramid for the meet-up. Pushed the thought to the back of my mind, and promised that i will only think about it once i got home.

had some takoyaki and it makes my smile lasted for the whole day. can't never believe what a trivial thing could do to me.

too bad the outing lasted longer than i had imagined because my friends decided to catch the 9pm-movie and so i was left alone on my own. and the next thing i knew, all these deep thoughts came knocking and i chose to gather them and think.

it was already past 10 pm and the whole plaza was almost empty; at least it was empty around me. i was busy reading Nocturnes by Kazuo Ishiguro. yes, i am a nocturnal myself. as much as i hate it, i would always appreciate the lonely nights i have by myself, the sleepless hours of doing nothing but thinking and reminiscing, of having undecided options of how and why. and it came to me again, that feeling. that one indescribable feeling that makes me feel lost and clueless deep down, to the point i feel so lonely but i don't know if lonely is what i really feel. all i know is that i am clueless all the same. yes, that was how i felt all the while i was trying to focus on my reading. i flipped close the book to give it a pause for a while and headed to the nearest platform to watch those kids practicing ice-skating.

watching them practice, it was heartwarming in a weird way and when i watched the coach, whom i believe an English guy, coaching the kids with what seem an excellent spirit overflowing, that's when i learned yet another new thing in life. that it's not the look that makes you who you are, but what you are good at. just like how the guy is so good at what he does best, (i believe), if only i have one thing that i like and really good at, it would make my life even much much better than one who has all the love in the world but never knows how to shower it in one thing they like.